i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
