You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize