Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
