Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
