i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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