Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
