what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize