it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
