well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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