I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
