he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dear god my vagina.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
