When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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