you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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