Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
