You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
