he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Randomize