Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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