I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
