I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
