So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
