I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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