Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize