ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
