I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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