Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
