Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
