addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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