Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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