you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
