my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
