why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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