how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
