Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
