hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize