Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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