I hate your face
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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