If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
