i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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