so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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