my phone needs a breathalizer
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
