me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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