How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
