dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
