DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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