I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
