would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
