is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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