sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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