Can Purell be used as lube?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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