i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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