i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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