I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I fill condoms, not promises.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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