apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
