I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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