I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
