I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize