My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
PANTIES FOUND
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