Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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