speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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