Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
