I just cut my nipple shaving
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize