Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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