I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
