a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
