and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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