fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
