Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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