just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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