i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize