I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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