you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
3 2 1 whiskey
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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