u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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