I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
